My AC/DC

AC/DC stands for my son's name Axle Colin D. Concepcion. My previous post was about my first son who died a year ago. And this post is indeed about a miracle. After I lost my first boy, I gave birth to a healthy baby boy last April 25, 2011 and I want you to meet him. :)

God is really good. I celebrated my first official mothers day last May and it was my life's greatest miracle!

Remembering Forever.

Exactly 1year, 2months and 4 days when I lost my first baby.  I was on my 35th week when he died. Doctor said i was lucky because although my baby is already dead, i was able to have a normal delivery. Feels like it would take a lifetime to recover. Back then, I asked my hubby if he's still willing to go on with our relationship and asked him about what's going on in his mind. Im lucky and felt so relieved when he told me that he's staying and he wants us to heal our broken hearts together. I wake up crying every now and then and im blessed coz i have my hubby to console me. In just a short span of time, i learned to balance my emotions. i tell my self i have to be strong not only for me but for hubby as well. He lost his baby too and it would add up to his burden if i show him im not helping my self to let go. I keep in mind that the only person that can help me is ME. My angel will always be my inspiration and my husband's my strength to move on.

Well, maybe others are not so lucky as i am. But still it would depend on the couple whether they want to heal broken hearts together or have it healed apart. So sad some would want to stay away from eachother. But if that would be the easiest way for them to let go, they have to give eachother a chance.

Letter i sent:

We would like to thank everyone for the concern and sympathy. Our little angel was born dead last June 9, 2010 due to cord accident and right now we are still trying to recover. What we have right now is nothing but a broken heart. We know that each one of you already experienced the pain of losing someone you love, but trust us, losing a child is so much different. We know we'll be able to get through this in time. Pardon us if we can't answer your calls or text messages. Thanks for the gesture though. It breaks our hearts to think of him lying in his coffin when we actually bought him a comforter with the most comfortable pillows. It breaks our hearts thinking we have to burry him naked when we got hundreds of clothes for him to wear. It's sad to think that our little angel was taken away too soon but still we believe that God is good.. After all the wrong things we've done in the past, He still gave us our ticket to heaven.. and that's our angel Kurt. We may not be able to thank everone personally but i hope this post will reach you. Again, thank's for all your support guys. Please continue to pray for our little angel and for the two of us as well. Tc.


The poem I made (July 18, 2010)

I don't know how to start a new
When we lost our son
All i have are heavy days
I miss our little one.

I still remember the first day
I learned i'd be a Mom
At first i kind of hesitate
I thought it'd be no fun.

I asked you then about your plans
You said it stays the same
You said you want a baby now
We then start thinking names.

At first i felt a bit afraid
I said I'm not ready yet
I wasn't sure if I want a child
Until the day we met.

I had my first ultrasound
I stared at your face
I was never really sure
But then I was amazed.

I am gonna be a Mom
And you will be a Dad
The doctor said we'll have a boy
For you and me to love.

But then again this little boy
Is in the heavens now
He left Mom and Dad so soon
To survive I'm not sure how.

I cry myself to sleep at night
The tears always flow
The hurt and pain's all so real
I can never let him go.

Now i have to spend my days
Thinking how it's like
To be a Mom of a perfect boy
To kiss and hug each night.

Today it is his 40th
I thought i wouldn't cry
But when i stared at his face
I can't believe he died.

The pain filled my heart again
Tears begin to flow
They said that on his 40th
I have to let him go.

I tried to hide the pain I feel
I tried to laugh and smile
But when i looked upon your face
You were lost all the while.

I know you're sad and you're in pain
I know you miss him too
But please remember I'm still here
Together we'll get through.

Kurt I know is happy now
Wherever he may be
I know he'll stay right by our side
Today let's set him free.


xoxo,